…until my leg gave out.
It may sound crazy but I am absolutely delighted to be officially off chemo. Yes, my cancer is advancing, so what’s to dance about? True. But after 14 months of chemo side-effects, I am glad to return to my own body chemistry, albeit failing, it still feels more authentically mine. I was almost giddy this morning, closing records and saying goodbye to CO-1686. I mean, who can trust a drug that doesn’t even have a name?! Already I experience less nausea and a bit more energy. The nurse gave me the familiar refrain, “You look great, better than last time!” What do you say to that? Well I’m not. I think I said “Yeah, well…” and she got it. The oncology nurse, the research nurse and the NP all gave me a warm goodbye (why didn’t the Oncologist show?) and I bounced out disregarding my low, low blood pressure and “funny” EKG. When you are critically ill tests seem to be off all the time, basically YOU are off, so I’ve learned take it in stride and not sweat the numbers. My focus was on friends arriving in town, the beautiful day, and an all-night art festival on Saturday. My hope is for a bubble of rebound energy to allow me enjoy the weekend, and maybe beyond. Pain is becoming a symptom that needs management but it’s not too bad yet.
UPDATE: Monday I return to the University of Minnesota to begin immunotherapy. I feel fortunate to be given the chance to try the drug Keytruda (prembrolizumab), especially since it is not yet FDA approved for lung cancer. Thank you to the health system Gods and the FDA for fast tracking some of these new options. BUT STOP, don’t throw your hat in the air yet, my likelihood of response to this drug is very low. Good news, it is unlikely to have side effects, so there is little down side.
And then my leg gave out.
Across the street from the clinic, in the hospital, I lost feeling in my right leg. I couldn’t walk unaided. My best guess is that it was a nerve problem, something (you can guess what) pushing on my spinal nerves. I was directed to the ER but instead I leaned on Craig and made it to the car. We picked up walking sticks for me, met Brigit for lunch, hydrated well, and my leg started working again. More to celebrate, but at the time I have to admit I called it a “shit sandwich”. For now I will celebrate and hydrate (because they rhyme), hope that the new drug might help, be thankful to feel a bit better, and keep a cane handy.
MORE NEWS: Sunday I am moving to Plymouth to live with family. Brigit and Rocket will be there, Connor stays the weekend often, and I won’t be alone if/when my leg gives out …or whatever the next adventure brings. Craig is being called back to work, but can retain flexibility to be here at critical times. I will be in good hands and I am excited to be around the “hum” of family once again. My new address is on the blog contact page.
It may sound crazy but I am absolutely delighted to be officially off chemo. Yes, my cancer is advancing, so what’s to dance about? True. But after 14 months of chemo side-effects, I am glad to return to my own body chemistry, albeit failing, it still feels more authentically mine. I was almost giddy this morning, closing records and saying goodbye to CO-1686. I mean, who can trust a drug that doesn’t even have a name?! Already I experience less nausea and a bit more energy. The nurse gave me the familiar refrain, “You look great, better than last time!” What do you say to that? Well I’m not. I think I said “Yeah, well…” and she got it. The oncology nurse, the research nurse and the NP all gave me a warm goodbye (why didn’t the Oncologist show?) and I bounced out disregarding my low, low blood pressure and “funny” EKG. When you are critically ill tests seem to be off all the time, basically YOU are off, so I’ve learned take it in stride and not sweat the numbers. My focus was on friends arriving in town, the beautiful day, and an all-night art festival on Saturday. My hope is for a bubble of rebound energy to allow me enjoy the weekend, and maybe beyond. Pain is becoming a symptom that needs management but it’s not too bad yet.
UPDATE: Monday I return to the University of Minnesota to begin immunotherapy. I feel fortunate to be given the chance to try the drug Keytruda (prembrolizumab), especially since it is not yet FDA approved for lung cancer. Thank you to the health system Gods and the FDA for fast tracking some of these new options. BUT STOP, don’t throw your hat in the air yet, my likelihood of response to this drug is very low. Good news, it is unlikely to have side effects, so there is little down side.
And then my leg gave out.
Across the street from the clinic, in the hospital, I lost feeling in my right leg. I couldn’t walk unaided. My best guess is that it was a nerve problem, something (you can guess what) pushing on my spinal nerves. I was directed to the ER but instead I leaned on Craig and made it to the car. We picked up walking sticks for me, met Brigit for lunch, hydrated well, and my leg started working again. More to celebrate, but at the time I have to admit I called it a “shit sandwich”. For now I will celebrate and hydrate (because they rhyme), hope that the new drug might help, be thankful to feel a bit better, and keep a cane handy.
MORE NEWS: Sunday I am moving to Plymouth to live with family. Brigit and Rocket will be there, Connor stays the weekend often, and I won’t be alone if/when my leg gives out …or whatever the next adventure brings. Craig is being called back to work, but can retain flexibility to be here at critical times. I will be in good hands and I am excited to be around the “hum” of family once again. My new address is on the blog contact page.