Blog Archives

Obstacles

3/28/2014

How to think about this cancer and the "smack down" that chemo delivers? Definitely a humbling experience. I feel weak, struggle with bone pain, at times I struggle for breath...and periodically I am still "sassy" and spirited. ? I liken this to a quest experience, losing all of the armor and comforts of daily life. Unprotected, left naked to look directly into the frightening eye of suffering. This is a learning path. When I walk free I will walk with a stronger stride. Still humble... in a powerful way.

GANESHA - The Remover of Obstacles

This beautiful gold Ganesha arrived today from a very special friend. She received Ganesha from a friend in India to help her with her cancer. She was diagnosed with brain cancer and given only months to live...it is now 13 years later! She so generously shares this Ganesha with me to help remove obstacles on my path to recovery. And my "third eye" tells me this is happening. My "third eye" is when I look through through my left eye only, there I can "visit" the lesion and see it's size and color. Today my third eye sees a reduction in the lesion and more transparency...I think this is a good thing!

Chemo #1

3/27/2014

First chemotherapy session went well, I was drowsy through most of it, worst is I have some tingling and aches in my limbs. Feels like a success. I have to admit I feared the worst. Wednesday morning I felt lousy and we requested change to the chemo protocol (no glucose, no steroids), so from a "standard of care" perspective I was less protected from side effects. We pulled the steroids because they produce a high level of sugar, which feeds the cancer. Our hope was that fasting (chemo was on day 3 of my water only fast) would provide the same reduction in nausea and inflammation. Fasting is an interesting experience, it is like an addicts withdrawal. Craig was a hero, before chemo I wanted "just an avocado" and he kept me honest. My blood ketones were 2.9 yesterday (hunger) today they are 5.8 (no hunger). My plan is to continue to burn ketones instead of sugar (starving the cancer) by using a ketogenic diet, my goal is to maintain a blood ketone level around 4.

But fasting is only during chemo sessions...Today I eat!

FUN FACT: Did you know that intermittent water-only fasts are good for your health? We can fast for 40 days without starvation. Calorie restriction is also very good for health. Eating within a 6 hour window is another way to fast. Many religions have encouraged fasting...maybe they knew.

Starving Cancer

3/24/2014

These are my chemo socks (thanks Allison!). Wednesday I begin chemotherapy...big kid stuff...targeted for metastatic lung cancer. I feel good and hope to tolerate it well. I have been researching and have also decided to add fasting to my protocol. Turns out that cancer is addicted to sugar and if you fast or go on a ketogenic diet (less extreme form of Atkins diet) you fuel the body with fat and cancer starves. My cancer is advanced, so we will see if this can improve outcomes. There are several clinical trials using ketogenic diets and we are seeking one.

Serendipity - is this what a miracle is?! I was researching ketogenic diets and sent the video below to Craig. He sent me links on Ketogenic trials at the same time, without us ever discussing this option. AND on Saturday I learned that my brilliant PhD student niece is an expert on ketogenic science and is working at another hospital teaching cancer patients how to use ketogenisis to improve outcomes!!! I am blessed.

Optimistic & Realistic

3/20/2014

Today was a long day, all day at the U of M Medical Center for retina and oncology appointments. All the docs have been well prepared, honest and they look me straight in the eye. I like that. I trust the oncology doc (named Krishnamurti ...good karma!) which is good because most of this ride will be with him. His words... "be optimistic and realistic". He wants to start treatment soon, Stage IV non-operable cancer is not a skip in the park (my words). He gave a prognosis of perhaps another year with the promise of new immunotherapy options (PD1 & PDL1) becoming available in the Fall.

I post my beautiful daughter Brigit because she has been one wonderful rock of loving support. We are no longer crying, instead we work as a team to ask thoughtful questions, move through choices and share precious loving time together. We walked home in the warming Spring sun, chatting and laughing. At home another friend was waiting with dinner and cherry pie. I mean how good can it get!

Palliative

3/17/2014

Not a word that is easy to hear...Palliative. This is the word from today's appointment that sticks in my head. Chemotherapy is palliative, inevitable, and repeated until it is no longer useful in prolonging life. I am indeed staring at the finish line, I will make it a good run.

So Surreal

3/16/2014

Tomorrow we learn about "weeks, months, years". I look in the mirror and puzzle, staring back is a very vital and alive face. This is all so surreal. How is it possible I have a killing cancer inside of me? I could easily drift away into daily life and forget cancer, but the pain in my chest pulls me back. Back to reality. Friends are very supportive, making me laugh, pulling me toward vitality. Yesterday for the first time, I forgot I had cancer. There will be no forgetting tomorrow. Back to the building and offices that I know too well. Back to tough details, tears and preparation for treatment. Craig and Brigit will come with me, to help cry and learn how to move forward. One day at a time. Watching the snow melt. Trying to beat cancer.

Minneapolis

3/13/2014

We have arrived in Minneapolis and settled into our new apartment. We have an extra bedroom, so friends can stay right here with me. I also have my wonderful amazing friend Ruth living right upstairs (she evacuated this apartment in 1 day! to make it available for us).

I continue to feel pretty good. I have had an incredible outpouring of support and offers of help, which is needed. Craig flies out tomorrow to continue with his work responsibilities and to meet with family (his mother is ill :-( ). This is a much needed break for Craig. My daughter Brigit will spend the weekend with me, and friends will be stopping by.

Photo is Al's Breakfast, a classic SE Minneapolis diner.

I have to say I miss the sun and blooming garden in Oregon. Snow up to the window here, but the sun is out and the snow is melting.

March 11th, 2014

3/11/2014

Arriving in Minneapolis tomorrow and we land here (picture) in this beautiful newly decorated suite at Ruth Fen's "Mensa Motel". The plant is real and I think my son will fit on that couch...but not quite sure if the comfort cat comes with the accommodations.

I have been feeling better the last few days, less pain, vision seems to be stabilizing, my appetite and energy have been better. I'm not sure if it is your prayers, my healing kindness meditation during the 75 minute bone scan, the good news, or the magic mushrooms.

My husband ordered me some magic mushrooms...no not those mushrooms...Turkey Tail mushrooms, to boost the immune system.

Can you believe it?

3/10/2014

I came home today after a difficult day of goodbyes with clients and a 4 hour bone scan process...and walked into this (picture)! All of the gardens were cleared, planted and blooming! I mean ALL - 3 garden boxes as well as front and back patio...all blooming! I love Spring and my honey knows this. What a blessing, what a gift, I certainly married the right man. Crying and loving my blooming budding life today. I am such a lucky person.

Good News

3/10/2014

Dancing with Joy! I have received an incredible flood of loving healing gifts and very heart felt prayers for healing. Thank you everyone... and... I think it is helping!

First good news today, no cancer in my bones! In addition, I was cleared to head to Minnesota for treatment. I am scheduled at the University of Minnesota on Monday March 17th, St. Patty's Day, which is a very auspicious day for this 50% Irish colleen. Perhaps green beer is in order!

“May the road rise up to meet you
May the wind be always at your back
May the sun shine warm upon your face
And the rain fall soft upon your fields
And until we meet again
May God hold you in the palm of his hand”
― Irish Blessings

Craig and I will be staying at the Mensa Motel, Garden Suite (aka Ruth Fen's Wonder Woman basement apartment).

<<Previous

Obstacles

Chemo #1

Starving Cancer

Optimistic & Realistic

Palliative

So Surreal

Minneapolis

March 11th, 2014

Can you believe it?

Good News

Colleen McCann

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