I OPEN AT THE CLOSE. Death and dying are HUGE concepts that completely occupied my being for weeks. Even today, plans for dying and saying goodbye remain extremely difficult and tear filled.
Something MORE important has been lost behind the panic, grief and treatment side effects. I have been gifted with time, I am now 5 months post-diagnosis, and time is a very precious resource. I have been blessed with 5 months of joy, laughter and loving attention from many friends. Feeling the love and generous kindness of each person has been overwhelming, a positive thing to cry about! Now, when my life is slow I can finally feel and acknowledge the incredible love that surrounds me. It's been absolutely mind blowing to acknowledge all of the loving hearts that I have holding me.
Very late in the game, but I am making sure to let everyone and everything beautiful touch my heart. Perhaps at the close, I am learning to put down judgment and allow more of life to touch me. I actively meditate on giving and receiving love with gratitude. I don't know if you and I, we, will get a clear "goodbye". I think this giving and sharing of love is the goodbye language that fills this sweet "inbetween".
Brigit and I discussed "I open at the close" a few nights ago. I agreed to read the last Harry Potter book because of this message. Both Brigit and I agreed that we have "evolved" as a result of my cancer journey. We both feel closer to each other and, in general, more "open" than at the start.
Today I learned that a friend died of lung cancer. She was diagnosed and died within 1 week, we didn't even know she was sick. Devastating. A numbing reminder of what I am facing. Counting blessings, thankful to have time to laugh, cry, hug and share time with friends and family...before saying GOODBYE.
Something MORE important has been lost behind the panic, grief and treatment side effects. I have been gifted with time, I am now 5 months post-diagnosis, and time is a very precious resource. I have been blessed with 5 months of joy, laughter and loving attention from many friends. Feeling the love and generous kindness of each person has been overwhelming, a positive thing to cry about! Now, when my life is slow I can finally feel and acknowledge the incredible love that surrounds me. It's been absolutely mind blowing to acknowledge all of the loving hearts that I have holding me.
Very late in the game, but I am making sure to let everyone and everything beautiful touch my heart. Perhaps at the close, I am learning to put down judgment and allow more of life to touch me. I actively meditate on giving and receiving love with gratitude. I don't know if you and I, we, will get a clear "goodbye". I think this giving and sharing of love is the goodbye language that fills this sweet "inbetween".
Brigit and I discussed "I open at the close" a few nights ago. I agreed to read the last Harry Potter book because of this message. Both Brigit and I agreed that we have "evolved" as a result of my cancer journey. We both feel closer to each other and, in general, more "open" than at the start.
Today I learned that a friend died of lung cancer. She was diagnosed and died within 1 week, we didn't even know she was sick. Devastating. A numbing reminder of what I am facing. Counting blessings, thankful to have time to laugh, cry, hug and share time with friends and family...before saying GOODBYE.