Something MORE important has been lost behind the panic, grief and treatment side effects. I have been gifted with time, I am now 5 months post-diagnosis, and time is a very precious resource. I have been blessed with 5 months of joy, laughter and loving attention from many friends. Feeling the love and generous kindness of each person has been overwhelming, a positive thing to cry about! Now, when my life is slow I can finally feel and acknowledge the incredible love that surrounds me. It's been absolutely mind blowing to acknowledge all of the loving hearts that I have holding me.
Very late in the game, but I am making sure to let everyone and everything beautiful touch my heart. Perhaps at the close, I am learning to put down judgment and allow more of life to touch me. I actively meditate on giving and receiving love with gratitude. I don't know if you and I, we, will get a clear "goodbye". I think this giving and sharing of love is the goodbye language that fills this sweet "inbetween".
Brigit and I discussed "I open at the close" a few nights ago. I agreed to read the last Harry Potter book because of this message. Both Brigit and I agreed that we have "evolved" as a result of my cancer journey. We both feel closer to each other and, in general, more "open" than at the start.
Today I learned that a friend died of lung cancer. She was diagnosed and died within 1 week, we didn't even know she was sick. Devastating. A numbing reminder of what I am facing. Counting blessings, thankful to have time to laugh, cry, hug and share time with friends and family...before saying GOODBYE.