My current reality is that I feel fairly good but I cannot get through a day, or even an hour, without struggling for breath and "hacking". I wrote my Last Will and Healthcare Directive yesterday, and applied for Social Security Disability. I cried with my daughter, and then again with Craig as we reviewed these documents.
Being in the world between living and dying, is a very strange balance. I look at others who are unhealthy in how they eat, drink or behave and wonder "would I trade places, if it meant I could relinquish my death sentence?" I don't think so. I unexpectedly enjoy an immense amount of contentment and satisfaction knowing that I did not squander my life to hedonistic, material pursuits. I adventured and invested in people, both friends and shared heart journey with my clients. So much indescribable meaning is gained when two human beings sit in simple non-judgmental understanding. The love and support of those reaching out to me has been phenomenal. Still, without a single email or phone call, fulfillment in a life well lived remains a stable constant.