Dying is not simply a word, it is a process that is infinitely important and emotionally exhausting. Choosing to live and log the dying process, eyes wide open, is laying claim to a compelling adventure. It starts with the shock that in one medical appointment your health is gone forever. Next, loss washes over you in endless waves. Your life framework starts to abandon you; Job, plans and dreams, strength and body integrity, relationship foundation, energy, breath, eye sight, connection with others all shift. Living dying means that you are in a different world, separate from everyone else...everyone. I have struggled with wanting my most intimate relationships to stay close, but the "living" struggle to talk words of progressive dying and can't stay long - because they have jobs, kids, vacations, appointments ... pressing life to tend to. I have received incredible love and support, and I am so grateful for this, but I believe the emotional departing and solo walk of dying is done mostly alone. Others can not die with me, what a horrible thought, transitioning skillfully must be the "sweet spot". I hope to become expert at staying connected and coming apart at the same time ... the magic of goodbyes.
** Please don't panic and think that my death is imminent. But it is important to understand that to the medical world my condition is "progressive" and "terminal", time is the only variable discussed. We hear of "miracles" and people tell me personal miracle stories everyday, how much is emotion and how much science is hard to determine. For me, I strive to understand the science and make the wisest choices I can. If a miracle occurs, I will accept it. Personally, I cannot ignore or discount the medical and scientific world regarding my condition, this would feel like fear and denial, creating a false world which leaves me vulnerable and missing out on real life ... which is Now!
** Please don't panic and think that my death is imminent. But it is important to understand that to the medical world my condition is "progressive" and "terminal", time is the only variable discussed. We hear of "miracles" and people tell me personal miracle stories everyday, how much is emotion and how much science is hard to determine. For me, I strive to understand the science and make the wisest choices I can. If a miracle occurs, I will accept it. Personally, I cannot ignore or discount the medical and scientific world regarding my condition, this would feel like fear and denial, creating a false world which leaves me vulnerable and missing out on real life ... which is Now!