Colleen McCann
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Thanksgiving

11/22/2014

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PictureLake Superior
Giving Thanks. I am thankful for a gloriously peaceful cabin stay on the shore of Lake Superior. For the strong and sturdy support of my friends and family. For the tolerable pain that hasn't taken away my laughter and joy. For the small puppy to whom I sing , and carry like a sweet baby (for a little while) in the belly up "granny hold".
On Wednesday I begin a new drug trial that could extend my life up to a year. I am too cautious to get excited, still I am thankful for this last treatment option. Wednesday is Craig's birthday and we have much to celebrate as he and I have found a new and stronger path forward... together. We will eat chocolate and drink champagne to celebrate all the gifts that Craig has given to us. We will stay together as a family on Thanksgiving, waking up to hot cinnamon rolls and finishing with savory bird and cider. I hope for more snow on Thanksgiving, to wrap everything in a downy peacefulness, just like being tucked into bed and kissed goodnight.

We will drag home a Christmas tree and delight again and again in the pine scent, we will decorate it with love so Santa can surprise us with fun gifts for all human and animal believers. We will mull cider, decorate sugar cookies to share with Helen and all visitors. My Pandora radio will play ambient Buble Christmas carols as we bustle about. We have tickets to The Guthrie Christmas Carol and we will be dressed grandly as we take our seats. Brigit will finally learn to cross country ski, even if we have to blow on our fingers and fall in the snow. Rocket dog will attempt to eat or tip over the tree, as we smile and shoo him away, again. Such merry making should leave us fodder for many stories, to be told again and again over the years.

I am thankful to be given one last holiday season to savor and share. If suffering can be good, this is it.
Happy Holidays!

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Beddian Birthday

11/11/2014

 
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57 years old - Born in '57.  Mine was delightful! Friends met for breakfast,  and family gathered for dinner. I had a wonderful day and was honored by so many. Thank you! Although my path is to "let go", I received a set of Fiestaware dishes. I love them! I may not get out much, but now every meal is a party!

My cancer continues to progress, I've lost most sight in my left eye, and I spend most days feeling exhausted, but overall my quality of life is good. I will hear in two to three weeks if I am accepted into the Clovis/Tiger 2 trial (NCT021479​90). My initial tests looked good, so I should be accepted. Evidence suggests that this new drug could possibly turn back the clock for me. There is a high likelihood that the drug (CO-1686) will shrink my current tumors and stop progression for several months. This is my last hurrah, I hope it is a good one.

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Marching On

11/6/2014

 
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Today I took steps to join a clinical trial with MN Oncology. New trial...new lung biopsy, CT, MRI...I just gotta keep marching on. This study is testing a drug that targets the T790M mutation that is pushing my cancer forward. This is probably not a time for too much hope, not until I can get through the tests and know for sure that I will be accepted into the trial. It is highly likely that this new drug CO-1686 (catchy name) will prolong my life for a few, maybe several, months. Joining a trial means that I need to change my doctor (Leach) and hospital (Abbott)...sigh. Up side is that Dr. Leach is very kind and also very good at talking research details with me. I like him a lot. 
How have I been...crying, sensitive, thin skinned. Pain is increasing and it gets hard to "keep marching on". Also heartbreaking is the unexpected loss of my dearest brother-in-law


    Colleen McCann

    I have a good life with wonderful friends and family. This blog is meant to keep me in touch with everyone.

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